When it’s cold in most of America, many U.S. families will escape to the domestic beaches of Florida or more international sites, like Acalpulco, Mexico, Jamaica, or even. Leah said her young family with three kids 6 and under loves nothing more than escaping the cold for a good beach vacation: “My kids spend all day completely exhausting themselves in the sun and water.” It’s a good change from the ice and snow, and a way for parents to enjoy some “realaxing” under the sun. Fun Book For the Beach: Pete the Cat: Pete at the Beach by James Dean.

There is a reason that Disney’s busiest week is the one between Christmas and New Year’s. People flock to Orlando’s Disney World and Anaheim’s Disney Land to celebrate their winter holidays with Mickey, Minnie and tens of thousands of other visitors. For Andrea, fighting the crowds is worth maintaining their family tradition “for my kids and my grandkids.” Fun Book for Disney: Disney’s Junior Encyclopedia of Animated Characters by M.L. Dunham.

Skiing is a pastime enjoyed by over 11 million people in the U.S. every year. This is what my family does on our winter break. My kids love skiing. My husband and I like skiing, but love the idea of having our kids spend their vacation in a healthy way. It’s a trip that has our family spending time together all day, and it’s a life sport that our children can enjoy for decades to come. Fun Book for Skiing: Ski Tips for Kids: Fun Instructional Techniques with Cartoons by Mike Clelland.

The road trip to Grandma’s House! Spending Christmas and New Years with family in another state, be it a hundred or a thousand miles away, is a tradition that goes back as far as the popularization of the automobile. Families will pile into their relatives’ homes, so that generations can celebrate together. Melissa had ten relatives staying in her home during Christmas week: “I love everyone together, but all the food and sheets and noise definitely create a chaos. I’m happy to have everyone visit, and happy to have everyone go home!” Fun Book for the Road Trip: National Geographic Kids Ultimate U.S. Road Trip by Crispin Boyer.

Because many people cannot afford to go away or because they realize how utterly exhausting traveling can be with young children, there are also activities for those homebound during the holidays. When not visiting relatives in Korea, Amy likes to keep her two boys busy with activities during the winter break. For her, enrolling the boys in chess camp for half of the vacation is a productive way of using their time off: “My kids have a great time, and they’re actually spending time on something useful that they otherwise don’t have time for.” Other winter camps include ice skating camps at local rinks, gymnastics camps, and even coding camps for our computer-minded kids. Fun book for the Stay-cation: The Everything Kids’ Astronomy Book by Kathi Wagner.

Whether you choose to go away on vacation or stay at home, options abound for the U.S. vacation, from classrooms to the mountains to the deserts to the seas.

Happy Holidays and Safe Travels!

The first holiday of “the season” is an all-time favorite for U.S. children and adults alike. Halloween dates back over 2000 years to the Druids, an ancient Celtic culture, who would celebrate the harvest with spooky superstitions. After the mass immigration of Scottish and Irish residents to the U.S., Americans began the Halloween tradition in the 19th century. Every year on October 31st, children and many adults across America dress up in costumes ranging from the adorable (like fuzzy teddy bears) to the scary (like bloodied zombies) to the spectacular (like electrically illuminated rainbows). School Halloween parades abound with costume-clad classes, and many kids travel door-to-door trick-or-treating for chocolate candy bars, lollipops, and other sugary treats throughout their neighborhoods. Parents buy candy by the pound and decorate the outsides of their homes with ghosts, tombstones, witches, cobwebs, and spiders to welcome the trick-or-treaters.

Second, Thanksgiving is a family-oriented holiday that occurs in the U.S. on the fourth Thursday of every November. Dating back to the early 17th century, the first European settlers in America gave thanks for a good crop season. Today, the day is famous for family and school reunions, parades, and football. And food! Americans eat over 525 million pounds of turkey and millions of pounds of cranberries on Thanksgiving. Tables are not complete without sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows, gravy for the turkey, cornbread and butter, and green beans with almonds. It is no wonder that the average American consumes 4,500 calories that day!

Next, December brings Christmas (December 25th) for Christian kids, Hanukkah (varies by year) for Jewish children, and Kwanzaa for African-American youth (December 26th through January 1st). On Christmas Eve, Santa and his helpers (aka parents) place gifts under the tree for children to find Christmas morning when many families enjoy treats like candy canes and egg nog. Hannukah, the festival of lights, celebrates the miracle of a Jewish victory thousands of years ago against the Seleucid Empire. Today, Jewish families light special candelabras called menorahs, eat latkes and chocolate gelt, and spin dreidels (Jewish tops). Traditionally, parents would give children money during the holiday, but over time, the tradition has evolved into presents for eight joyous nights in a row. Finally, Kwanzaa celebrates African culture, and families enjoy traditional African attire, food, and music. Traditional meals can include jerk chicken, collard greens, and coconut pound cake.

U.S. children especially look forward to this time of year because December holidays mean time off from school. During their two-week vacation, most American children put down their books to experience the joy of holiday festivities, skiing, or a beach. Although studying is generally the last thing on kids’ minds during this school break, there are exceptions, like the academically motivated English Hound students who enjoy learning even when traveling. Additionally, many kids catch up on favorite reads like Harry Potter or The Secrets of Droon during this time as a way to relax.

The last stop on our holiday junket is New Year’s Eve. Like children worldwide, U.S. kids excitedly wait for the ball to drop and count down to midnight to ring in the New Year.

No matter what you celebrate, may it be happy and healthy!For American kids, this is a fantastic time of year. The U.S. Holiday Season is upon us. Beginning with Halloween and ending New Year’s Day, families across the country enjoy a great deal of celebration at school, the office, and home.

The first holiday of “the season” is an all-time favorite for U.S. children and adults alike. Halloween dates back over 2000 years to the Druids, an ancient Celtic culture, who would celebrate the harvest with spooky superstitions. After the mass immigration of Scottish and Irish residents to the U.S., Americans began the Halloween tradition in the 19th century. Every year on October 31st, children and many adults across America dress up in costumes ranging from the adorable (like fuzzy teddy bears) to the scary (like bloodied zombies) to the spectacular (like electrically illuminated rainbows). School Halloween parades abound with costume-clad classes, and many kids travel door-to-door trick-or-treating for chocolate candy bars, lollipops, and other sugary treats throughout their neighborhoods. Parents buy candy by the pound and decorate the outsides of their homes with ghosts, tombstones, witches, cobwebs, and spiders to welcome the trick-or-treaters.

Second, Thanksgiving is a family-oriented holiday that occurs in the U.S. on the fourth Thursday of every November. Dating back to the early 17th century, the first European settlers in America gave thanks for a good crop season. Today, the day is famous for family and school reunions, parades, and football. And food! Americans eat over 525 million pounds of turkey and millions of pounds of cranberries on Thanksgiving. Tables are not complete without sweet potatoes topped with marshmallows, gravy for the turkey, cornbread and butter, and green beans with almonds. It is no wonder that the average American consumes 4,500 calories that day!

Next, December brings Christmas (December 25th) for Christian kids, Hanukkah (varies by year) for Jewish children, and Kwanzaa for African-American youth (December 26th through January 1st). On Christmas Eve, Santa and his helpers (aka parents) place gifts under the tree for children to find Christmas morning when many families enjoy treats like candy canes and egg nog. Hannukah, the festival of lights, celebrates the miracle of a Jewish victory thousands of years ago against the Seleucid Empire. Today, Jewish families light special candelabras called menorahs, eat latkes and chocolate gelt, and spin dreidels (Jewish tops). Traditionally, parents would give children money during the holiday, but over time, the tradition has evolved into presents for eight joyous nights in a row. Finally, Kwanzaa celebrates African culture, and families enjoy traditional African attire, food, and music. Traditional meals can include jerk chicken, collard greens, and coconut pound cake.

U.S. children especially look forward to this time of year because December holidays mean time off from school. During their two-week vacation, most American children put down their books to experience the joy of holiday festivities, skiing, or a beach. Although studying is generally the last thing on kids’ minds during this school break, there are exceptions, like the academically motivated English Hound students who enjoy learning even when traveling. Additionally, many kids catch up on favorite reads like Harry Potter or The Secrets of Droon during this time as a way to relax.

The last stop on our holiday junket is New Year’s Eve. Like children worldwide, U.S. kids excitedly wait for the ball to drop and count down to midnight to ring in the New Year.

No matter what you celebrate, may it be happy and healthy!

Something strange is happening at America’s colleges and universities. A movement is arising, undirected and driven largely by students, to scrub campuses clean of words, ideas, and subjects that might cause discomfort or give offense.  [Read More]

In the WSJ article, Chua explained how Chinese and other East Asian mothers raise stereotypically successful children who excel academically and become math whizzes and child prodigies. She explained that Asian mothers instill discipline and the value of hard work in their children. And Asian mothers don’t coddle their children emotionally; rather, we can call them garbage, call them “fatties,” criticize their art projects, and dish out tough love to prepare their children for the rigors of life. Asian mothers are mommy tigers who teach their children to ferociously devour their competition and to achieve success at any cost, which includes never: attending a sleepover; having a playdate; being in a school play; complaining about not being in a school play; watching TV or playing computer games; choosing their own extracurricular activities; getting any grade less than an A; not being the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama; playing any instrument other than the piano or violin; and not playing the piano or violin.

As a Korean-American mom, there is much to like about the article and even Amy Chua herself. Yes, we want our children to be academically and professionally successful, and we make no apologies for it. If that means that our children have to study harder now, that is the price they will have to pay for a lifetime of financial security. We can also agree that nothing is fun until you’re good at it, and to be good at something, you need to practice every day with fortitude and discipline. Chua is also correct that many Asian-American moms assume strength, not fragility, in our children and that one of the worst things you can do for your child is to let them give up. And I found myself nodding when Chua tells her husband, “You just don’t believe in her.” This encapsulates thousands of years of Confucian ideology that anything can be achieved through hard work. “I’m just not good at math” is a phrase rarely heard in Asia because to many Asians, that simply means that the child is lazy and won’t apply himself. Despite the provocative title probably chosen to generate buzz, the article is, for the most part, an earnest inquiry into why some Western mothers don’t expect more from their children.

Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother was even better than the Wall Street Journal article. It was a hysterical, hyperbolic, self-deprecating memoir about a tiger mom who was humbled by her younger daughter’s sense of autonomy and eventually learned to let go of her control. Judging by the widespread criticism of her book, it seems most detractors didn’t even read the book or missed her self-satirical sense of humor. Strong, brilliant women are often misunderstood, and, next to Hillary Clinton, I think she is the most misunderstood person in America. Yet, despite thoroughly enjoying the book and respecting her as a devoted mom and an accomplished law professor, I cannot help but resent her because she has inadvertently reduced all of us Asian-American moms down to a caricature that has negatively affected how people view us and our children.

I have been called a “Tiger Mom” twice since my 6-year-old son started ice hockey two years ago. Ironically, the people who called me a tiger mom were hockey dads who make tiger moms seem like soft bunnies. These hockey dads are fierce. Hockey is their religion. Some are training their kids to become NHL players, a dream they were unable to fulfill themselves. I once witnessed a hockey dad chew out his son so viciously that even Chua would have cringed. But one hockey dad jokingly called me a tiger mom because when he complimented my son’s skating, I just humbly replied that his skating was developing along nicely but that it wasn’t translating into him being a great hockey player. The truth is, my son is a pretty good hockey player, and I am really proud of him. I just felt odd about acknowledging how great my son is to other people and felt the need to balance his strengths with a weakness. Perhaps it is my Asian humility, yin yang, whatever. Here in America, it seems this kind of conduct is viewed as being negative, overly critical, and unhealthy for the well-being of a child.

The second time I was teased as a Tiger mom was because I was teaching my 3-year-old son to read while my older son was playing hockey. My 3-year-old son wants to read because he sees his older brother read. It also seems like the normal thing to do when we’re waiting at the skating rink for two hours with absolutely nothing else around to entertain us. And honestly, I wouldn’t have been that offended because these hockey dads are friendly acquaintances who were just joking around, but I am noticing the negative repercussions these Tiger Mom stereotypes have on us and our children. My friend told me that her friend was called a “Tiger Mom” by her son’s teacher (yes, a teacher!) when she mentioned that the curriculum was too easy for her son. Why is it that when a non-Asian mom tells her child’s teacher that the curriculum is too easy for her child, she is admired as being an advocate for her child, but when an Asian-American mom does, she is dismissed as a Tiger Mom?

What’s worse is that this stereotype reduces our children to mindless, obedient and one-dimensional drones. Nothing angered me more than when some people in the American media blamed the deaths of students aboard the Sewol ferry on stereotypes of Asian culture: Reuters claimed “Many of the children did not question their elders, as is customary in hierarchical Korean society. They paid for their obedience with their lives.” CNN headlined “South Korean Cultural Values Played a Role in Passengers Staying Below Deck as Ferry Sank.” One Dallas blogger boasted: “If that was a boatload of American students, you know they would have been finding any and every way to get off that ferry.” A nation was in mourning and hundreds of parents lost their children and yet some in the American media insensitively blamed the Asian culture and the children themselves, for their tragic deaths. The media, however, never questioned the cultural norms or the obedience of passengers aboard Costa Concordia who returned to their cabins before the ship sank or thousands of people at the World Trade Center on 9/11 who remained inside or even returned to the building after the first plane crashed into the building. And no disaster victim, whether Korean or Amerian, should be blamed for obeying authority. It is well known to disaster psychology experts that when disaster strikes, the first stage is denial for most people. At this stage, obedience to authority is the norm and can be life saving under many situations. But the media is often clueless about how Asians really are (if we can even be characterized as a group at all) and books like Chua’s just add to the common stereotype that Asian children are obedient with no will of their own.

These negative stereotypes of Asian children can also be found in college admissions. One Harvard admissions officer noted on the file of an Asian-American applicant, “He’s quiet and, of course, wants to be a doctor.” One anonymous admissions officer at an Ivy League school said, “Let’s face it, some people are just more affable or more likeable than others. An admissions officer is really asking himself, ‘Would I like to hang out with this guy or gal for the next four years?’ So if you come off as just another Asian math genius with no personality, then it’s going to be tough for you. An admissions officer is not going to push very hard for you.” Apparently, it is not enough for Asian children to be math geniuses. They have to overcome some preconceived notions about their personalities to ever set foot in the Ivy Leagues.

What disturbs me the most about Chua’s book is that it implies that the achievements of Asian children are not their own but rather the achievements of their pathological tiger mothers. By focusing on her own parenting style, the book credits much of Chua’s daughters’ success to her parenting technique rather than the thousands of hours her daughters dedicated to studying and practicing the piano and the violin. The part that I found particularly deplorable was when Chua forced her younger daughter, despite her vehement protest, to play the violin at her Bat Mitzvah, a rite of passage in which a child becomes an adult, i.e. able to make her own choices. Such a display seemed boastful and narcissistic with little regard for her daughter – forget what my child wants, look how talented my child is because of my tiger parenting. If her daughter one day would have regretted not having performed at her Bat Mitzvah, she would just have to have lived with the consequences of her choices. We cannot save our children from every regret because we think we know better. And many of us believe in the capabilities of our children but we also understand their limits. Tiger parenting is not for every child, as Chua eventually realized with her younger daughter.

The truth is, I don’t know a single Asian-American mom who is as extreme as Amy Chua. And believe me, I know plenty of Asian-American moms. And although they may not be Yale law school professors, many of them have graduated from the Ivy Leagues and have successful careers as doctors, lawyers, and Wall Street bankers. Many of these women including myself enthusiastically arrange play dates because we want our children to be happy, sociable human beings. We love sleepovers, particularly if they are not at our house because sleepovers give us a chance to kick back with a glass of wine and catch up on The Game of Thrones. We also let our children choose their extracurricular activities because we want our children to find their passions. We enroll them in sports because we want our children to be healthy, learn to be team players, and because fresh air is good for the soul. Besides, here in America, an athletic kid is a popular kid and a popular kid is a confident, sociable kid who will carry this confidence into college and adulthood. Some of us even permit our children to watch mindless cartoons on the weekends (and gasp! TV even on school nights!) , and when we dine out, we give our kids our iPhones so they won’t keep interrupting our adult conversation. As for plays, I was the lead in my high school plays so you can guess where I stand on that issue.

What we do have in common with Chua is that we have high expectations from our children, and we believe that our children can accomplish almost anything with hard work and perseverance. But we believe that a child’s dream must be chosen by the child himself and the child must find the motivation within himself to pursue it. In that regard, we are just like any other motivated American mom who has high expectations from her children. I will ask my children what instruments they want to play and whether they even want to play an instrument at all. And I will ask my children whether they want to attend a computer programming camp or a sleep away sports camp. Childhood is fleeting, and I want my children to remember it as magical. What will these parenting choices mean for my children? Perhaps my children may not be admitted to Harvard or perform at Carnegie Hall, but I can live with that and so can a lot of Asian-American and American mothers. And maybe that is the real difference between all of us and Amy Chua.I know many of you are tired of reading about Amy Chua, the self-proclaimed Tiger Mom who set the blogosphere ablaze when the Wall Street Journal published “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior ” in 2011. I fully empathize. Since then, the topic has been debated ad nauseam by a parade of moms from various ethnicities… except well, East-Asian-American moms. So before we banish her from the blogosphere, I want to set the record straight about this “Tiger Mom” stereotype.

In the WSJ article, Chua explained how Chinese and other East Asian mothers raise stereotypically successful children who excel academically and become math whizzes and child prodigies. She explained that Asian mothers instill discipline and the value of hard work in their children. And Asian mothers don’t coddle their children emotionally; rather, we can call them garbage, call them “fatties,” criticize their art projects, and dish out tough love to prepare their children for the rigors of life. Asian mothers are mommy tigers who teach their children to ferociously devour their competition and to achieve success at any cost, which includes never: attending a sleepover; having a playdate; being in a school play; complaining about not being in a school play; watching TV or playing computer games; choosing their own extracurricular activities; getting any grade less than an A; not being the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama; playing any instrument other than the piano or violin; and not playing the piano or violin.

As a Korean-American mom, there is much to like about the article and even Amy Chua herself. Yes, we want our children to be academically and professionally successful, and we make no apologies for it. If that means that our children have to study harder now, that is the price they will have to pay for a lifetime of financial security. We can also agree that nothing is fun until you’re good at it, and to be good at something, you need to practice every day with fortitude and discipline. Chua is also correct that many Asian-American moms assume strength, not fragility, in our children and that one of the worst things you can do for your child is to let them give up. And I found myself nodding when Chua tells her husband, “You just don’t believe in her.” This encapsulates thousands of years of Confucian ideology that anything can be achieved through hard work. “I’m just not good at math” is a phrase rarely heard in Asia because to many Asians, that simply means that the child is lazy and won’t apply himself. Despite the provocative title probably chosen to generate buzz, the article is, for the most part, an earnest inquiry into why some Western mothers don’t expect more from their children.

Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother was even better than the Wall Street Journal article. It was a hysterical, hyperbolic, self-deprecating memoir about a tiger mom who was humbled by her younger daughter’s sense of autonomy and eventually learned to let go of her control. Judging by the widespread criticism of her book, it seems most detractors didn’t even read the book or missed her self-satirical sense of humor. Strong, brilliant women are often misunderstood, and, next to Hillary Clinton, I think she is the most misunderstood person in America. Yet, despite thoroughly enjoying the book and respecting her as a devoted mom and an accomplished law professor, I cannot help but resent her because she has inadvertently reduced all of us Asian-American moms down to a caricature that has negatively affected how people view us and our children.

I have been called a “Tiger Mom” twice since my 6-year-old son started ice hockey two years ago. Ironically, the people who called me a tiger mom were hockey dads who make tiger moms seem like soft bunnies. These hockey dads are fierce. Hockey is their religion. Some are training their kids to become NHL players, a dream they were unable to fulfill themselves. I once witnessed a hockey dad chew out his son so viciously that even Chua would have cringed. But one hockey dad jokingly called me a tiger mom because when he complimented my son’s skating, I just humbly replied that his skating was developing along nicely but that it wasn’t translating into him being a great hockey player. The truth is, my son is a pretty good hockey player, and I am really proud of him. I just felt odd about acknowledging how great my son is to other people and felt the need to balance his strengths with a weakness. Perhaps it is my Asian humility, yin yang, whatever. Here in America, it seems this kind of conduct is viewed as being negative, overly critical, and unhealthy for the well-being of a child.

The second time I was teased as a Tiger mom was because I was teaching my 3-year-old son to read while my older son was playing hockey. My 3-year-old son wants to read because he sees his older brother read. It also seems like the normal thing to do when we’re waiting at the skating rink for two hours with absolutely nothing else around to entertain us. And honestly, I wouldn’t have been that offended because these hockey dads are friendly acquaintances who were just joking around, but I am noticing the negative repercussions these Tiger Mom stereotypes have on us and our children. My friend told me that her friend was called a “Tiger Mom” by her son’s teacher (yes, a teacher!) when she mentioned that the curriculum was too easy for her son. Why is it that when a non-Asian mom tells her child’s teacher that the curriculum is too easy for her child, she is admired as being an advocate for her child, but when an Asian-American mom does, she is dismissed as a Tiger Mom?

What’s worse is that this stereotype reduces our children to mindless, obedient and one-dimensional drones. Nothing angered me more than when some people in the American media blamed the deaths of students aboard the Sewol ferry on stereotypes of Asian culture: Reuters claimed “Many of the children did not question their elders, as is customary in hierarchical Korean society. They paid for their obedience with their lives.” CNN headlined “South Korean Cultural Values Played a Role in Passengers Staying Below Deck as Ferry Sank.” One Dallas blogger boasted: “If that was a boatload of American students, you know they would have been finding any and every way to get off that ferry.” A nation was in mourning and hundreds of parents lost their children and yet some in the American media insensitively blamed the Asian culture and the children themselves, for their tragic deaths. The media, however, never questioned the cultural norms or the obedience of passengers aboard Costa Concordia who returned to their cabins before the ship sank or thousands of people at the World Trade Center on 9/11 who remained inside or even returned to the building after the first plane crashed into the building. And no disaster victim, whether Korean or Amerian, should be blamed for obeying authority. It is well known to disaster psychology experts that when disaster strikes, the first stage is denial for most people. At this stage, obedience to authority is the norm and can be life saving under many situations. But the media is often clueless about how Asians really are (if we can even be characterized as a group at all) and books like Chua’s just add to the common stereotype that Asian children are obedient with no will of their own.

These negative stereotypes of Asian children can also be found in college admissions. One Harvard admissions officer noted on the file of an Asian-American applicant, “He’s quiet and, of course, wants to be a doctor.” One anonymous admissions officer at an Ivy League school said, “Let’s face it, some people are just more affable or more likeable than others. An admissions officer is really asking himself, ‘Would I like to hang out with this guy or gal for the next four years?’ So if you come off as just another Asian math genius with no personality, then it’s going to be tough for you. An admissions officer is not going to push very hard for you.” Apparently, it is not enough for Asian children to be math geniuses. They have to overcome some preconceived notions about their personalities to ever set foot in the Ivy Leagues.

What disturbs me the most about Chua’s book is that it implies that the achievements of Asian children are not their own but rather the achievements of their pathological tiger mothers. By focusing on her own parenting style, the book credits much of Chua’s daughters’ success to her parenting technique rather than the thousands of hours her daughters dedicated to studying and practicing the piano and the violin. The part that I found particularly deplorable was when Chua forced her younger daughter, despite her vehement protest, to play the violin at her Bat Mitzvah, a rite of passage in which a child becomes an adult, i.e. able to make her own choices. Such a display seemed boastful and narcissistic with little regard for her daughter – forget what my child wants, look how talented my child is because of my tiger parenting. If her daughter one day would have regretted not having performed at her Bat Mitzvah, she would just have to have lived with the consequences of her choices. We cannot save our children from every regret because we think we know better. And many of us believe in the capabilities of our children but we also understand their limits. Tiger parenting is not for every child, as Chua eventually realized with her younger daughter.

The truth is, I don’t know a single Asian-American mom who is as extreme as Amy Chua. And believe me, I know plenty of Asian-American moms. And although they may not be Yale law school professors, many of them have graduated from the Ivy Leagues and have successful careers as doctors, lawyers, and Wall Street bankers. Many of these women including myself enthusiastically arrange play dates because we want our children to be happy, sociable human beings. We love sleepovers, particularly if they are not at our house because sleepovers give us a chance to kick back with a glass of wine and catch up on The Game of Thrones. We also let our children choose their extracurricular activities because we want our children to find their passions. We enroll them in sports because we want our children to be healthy, learn to be team players, and because fresh air is good for the soul. Besides, here in America, an athletic kid is a popular kid and a popular kid is a confident, sociable kid who will carry this confidence into college and adulthood. Some of us even permit our children to watch mindless cartoons on the weekends (and gasp! TV even on school nights!) , and when we dine out, we give our kids our iPhones so they won’t keep interrupting our adult conversation. As for plays, I was the lead in my high school plays so you can guess where I stand on that issue.

What we do have in common with Chua is that we have high expectations from our children, and we believe that our children can accomplish almost anything with hard work and perseverance. But we believe that a child’s dream must be chosen by the child himself and the child must find the motivation within himself to pursue it. In that regard, we are just like any other motivated American mom who has high expectations from her children. I will ask my children what instruments they want to play and whether they even want to play an instrument at all. And I will ask my children whether they want to attend a computer programming camp or a sleep away sports camp. Childhood is fleeting, and I want my children to remember it as magical. What will these parenting choices mean for my children? Perhaps my children may not be admitted to Harvard or perform at Carnegie Hall, but I can live with that and so can a lot of Asian-American and American mothers. And maybe that is the real difference between all of us and Amy Chua.

Statistics support their suspicions about us Americans. According to a 2008 report, “Go Out and Play: Participation in Team or Organized Sports” created by the Women’s Sports Foundation, 69 percent of U.S. girls and 75 percent of U.S. boys participate in organized sports. According to a 2013 report, this means that roughly 35,000,000 U.S. children between the ages of 5 and 18 choose to play some organized sports. Which sports are the most popular? For children under 9, soccer and baseball seem to dominate, but by the age of 9, basketball is the sport of choice for many U.S. boys and girls. Other sports, like Martial Arts, are gaining popularity in the U.S., as a result of youth involvement. Clearly, these numbers support the theory that Americans love to see their kids involved in sports. But why, many foreign friends wonder.

Well, wondering the same thing, I took to the (suburban) American streets to find out. I wasn’t expecting anyone to admit that they force their kids into sports to build their college resumes or that they are really hoping that their 11 year old will one day receive an athletic scholarship to college (which is, by the way, incredibly rare: the U.S. National Collegiate Athletic Association cites a statistic of about 2 percent of high school athletes being awarded some sort of athletic scholarship to compete in college). Of course, there are those parents who do covet those scholarships for their kids and yes, those parents who somehow need their kids to live out their own fallen hopes of athletic glory do exist, but beyond these unavoidable realities, the responses were remarkably well thought out and more varied than I ever imagined.

Some U.S. parents emphasize how sports are able to teach their children commitment, integrity, and responsibility. According to the Kids Play USA Foundation, children who play youth sports are less likely to skip class, join a gang or abuse drugs. This may have to do with the mental and physical commitment children have to make to their teams. As children get older, sports become more competitive. As a result, athletes must commit huge amounts of time and energy to their teams. As they learn to work with one another and improve their athletic skills, many students develop deep relationships and ultimately rely on each other. The result can be lasting friendships among the players as well as an expectation that everyone take responsibility for him or herself for the sake of the team. For example, Jenny’s* 12-year old son Andrew had serious issues waking up at 7:00 a.m. She would practically need a bullhorn to get him up for school in the morning. When he joined a travel baseball team, she sat down with him to talk about how he would need to get up at 5:30 in the morning for some of his weekend games. The coach had a zero lateness policy, which meant that if you were late for the game, you sat out for the game. The morning of the first Saturday morning game, Jenny found Andrew fully dressed, eating breakfast in the kitchen at 5:30 am. He said that if he didn’t show up on time for his game, his teammates were going to “kick his butt.” He woke himself on time for every Saturday game during the season. Jenny thought a miracle had occurred. To Jenny, sports gave Andrew the motivation to take responsibility for his own actions – something that his parents couldn’t do for him.

Perhaps not surprisingly, some American parents begin preparing their children for athletics at an incredibly early age. Gina has very young children, ages 4 and 2. Her 4 year old has already started hockey, tennis and tae kwon do, as well as taken toddler multi-sports classes. She is anxious to get her boys involved in sports and has given a lot of thought to the benefits of athletic involvement. Her reasons are threefold: First, in Gina’s opinion, athletic kids are generally “the cool kids.” For her, athletic prowess will not only give her children an elevated social status that could be essential in an increasingly complicated teen social culture, but also help prevent them from being bullied. Second, Gina feels that this higher social status associated with being a talented athlete carries over into adulthood. This realization struck her at her golf club where she noticed that the best golfers were the most sought after for rounds of golf by other members of the club. To her, childhood athletics can pave the way for important social connections in the future, which can prove valuable socially as well as professionally. Finally, having seen her nephew’s commitment to swimming and the arduous hours he devotes to it, Gina sees how a sport can demonstrate the value of hard work: “I had always thought sports came easily to athletic kids. And while that may be true somewhat, I now realize the amount of passion, dedication and grit that are needed to be at the top.”

While the American commitment to youth athletics is certainly cultural, this enthusiasm can be quite contagious, quickly acquired by parents who come to call the U.S. home as adults. When Lynn immigrated to the U.S. with her husband, she was shocked to see how intense the parental interest was in all things athletics. Having young kids, she couldn’t imagine what all the fuss was about. As her children became grade school age, though, she began to see advantages to involving her kids in sports programs. She recognized sports as a way for her kids to incorporate exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle. Having three very different children, she also realized that sports were not a one size fits all activity, so that each of her kids could find a sport that was right for them. Her more reserved daughter thrived in her martial arts class (ultimately progressing to black belt), while her more overtly active boys were drawn to soccer and tennis respectively. Athletics had a way of bringing out the best in her children, and Lynn and her husband became fans of sports being integral to their family life.

Finally, U.S. parents can start their kids off in sports for one reason and then find that there are entirely different benefits to these activities. Michelle had this very experience with her high school aged twins. Originally, she thought that high-energy sports like swimming, soccer and gymnastics would be healthy outlets for her girls’ seemingly endless amounts of energy. Although the sports didn’t seem to tire the girls out, they enjoyed participating and found close friends on their teams. What Michelle did discover was that as the girls began to compete seriously in their sports, the team commitment provided a necessary structure around which the girls could organize their studies. When the girls had practice or a swim meet or game, they knew they only had a certain amount of time to finish up their homework obligations. Without any sort of mandated schedule from sports, the girls would dawdle with their work, and it never really got completed as well as when there was a time deadline because of practice or a competition. For Michelle’s kids, sports had inadvertently added an organizational structure to their daily activities, helping to create better-organized kids.

After listening to other Americans’ reasons for encouraging their kids to participate in sports, even if that means waking up at 5:00 in the morning, every morning, to drive their kids to ice hockey, gymnastics or swimming, I began to reflect on my reasons for wanting my children to start their own sports experiences. The answer, I realized, had a lot to do with my upbringing. My parents always emphasized academic success and never encouraged us to engage in any sort of athletic competition. As a child, seeing other kids completely invested in their teams made me feel slightly alienated, as though I was missing some part of my childhood. Fast forward a few decades, and you have me – a novice golfer and an amateur tennis player who winces at the thought of anyone actually watching me engage in an athletic activity. I can’t help but feel that participating in childhood sports may have helped me with my athletic misgivings. The result – I want my own kids to enjoy sports when they are young. I think it will help them gain a certain confidence, so that they can feel comfortable, no matter what their skill level, whether playing a round of golf or skiing a black diamond without cringing at every mistake they make. If they decide sports aren’t for them (definitely not the direction in which they seem to be headed), then that’s okay, but in the mean time I will relish every moment on the sideline. As my husband put it best while we watched our son rallying with a friend in tennis: “I would rather watch this than the U.S. Open any day.”

So what do you think? Does it still seem strange that Americans sacrifice so much for their child athletes? Would you give it a try?Skiing, Tennis, Golf, Tae Kwon Do, Swimming – I am not starting a list of all the sports I can think of in a minute. It’s actually sort of a confession. These are the sports in which my son is currently participating (not including the pick-up basketball and football games at school, Ping Pong and of course the non-athletic activities of chess and Spanish). He is eight years old. Please don’t think we are forcing our child to engage in any of these activities. We’re not. In fact, we’ve told him that at some point we need to narrow down this list to make room for his increasing homework load, but for now he loves them all. I realize that in other countries, this is not the norm. First and second graders are not throwing themselves into a packed calendar of structured sports, and, even more curious to our foreign friends, parents are not spending large portions of their own lives developing the sports’ careers of their children from the age of 3 (and younger).

Statistics support their suspicions about us Americans. According to a 2008 report, “Go Out and Play: Participation in Team or Organized Sports” created by the Women’s Sports Foundation, 69 percent of U.S. girls and 75 percent of U.S. boys participate in organized sports. According to a 2013 report, this means that roughly 35,000,000 U.S. children between the ages of 5 and 18 choose to play some organized sports. Which sports are the most popular? For children under 9, soccer and baseball seem to dominate, but by the age of 9, basketball is the sport of choice for many U.S. boys and girls. Other sports, like Martial Arts, are gaining popularity in the U.S., as a result of youth involvement. Clearly, these numbers support the theory that Americans love to see their kids involved in sports. But why, many foreign friends wonder.

Well, wondering the same thing, I took to the (suburban) American streets to find out. I wasn’t expecting anyone to admit that they force their kids into sports to build their college resumes or that they are really hoping that their 11 year old will one day receive an athletic scholarship to college (which is, by the way, incredibly rare: the U.S. National Collegiate Athletic Association cites a statistic of about 2 percent of high school athletes being awarded some sort of athletic scholarship to compete in college). Of course, there are those parents who do covet those scholarships for their kids and yes, those parents who somehow need their kids to live out their own fallen hopes of athletic glory do exist, but beyond these unavoidable realities, the responses were remarkably well thought out and more varied than I ever imagined.

Some U.S. parents emphasize how sports are able to teach their children commitment, integrity, and responsibility. According to the Kids Play USA Foundation, children who play youth sports are less likely to skip class, join a gang or abuse drugs. This may have to do with the mental and physical commitment children have to make to their teams. As children get older, sports become more competitive. As a result, athletes must commit huge amounts of time and energy to their teams. As they learn to work with one another and improve their athletic skills, many students develop deep relationships and ultimately rely on each other. The result can be lasting friendships among the players as well as an expectation that everyone take responsibility for him or herself for the sake of the team. For example, Jenny’s* 12-year old son Andrew had serious issues waking up at 7:00 a.m. She would practically need a bullhorn to get him up for school in the morning. When he joined a travel baseball team, she sat down with him to talk about how he would need to get up at 5:30 in the morning for some of his weekend games. The coach had a zero lateness policy, which meant that if you were late for the game, you sat out for the game. The morning of the first Saturday morning game, Jenny found Andrew fully dressed, eating breakfast in the kitchen at 5:30 am. He said that if he didn’t show up on time for his game, his teammates were going to “kick his butt.” He woke himself on time for every Saturday game during the season. Jenny thought a miracle had occurred. To Jenny, sports gave Andrew the motivation to take responsibility for his own actions – something that his parents couldn’t do for him.

Perhaps not surprisingly, some American parents begin preparing their children for athletics at an incredibly early age. Gina has very young children, ages 4 and 2. Her 4 year old has already started hockey, tennis and tae kwon do, as well as taken toddler multi-sports classes. She is anxious to get her boys involved in sports and has given a lot of thought to the benefits of athletic involvement. Her reasons are threefold: First, in Gina’s opinion, athletic kids are generally “the cool kids.” For her, athletic prowess will not only give her children an elevated social status that could be essential in an increasingly complicated teen social culture, but also help prevent them from being bullied. Second, Gina feels that this higher social status associated with being a talented athlete carries over into adulthood. This realization struck her at her golf club where she noticed that the best golfers were the most sought after for rounds of golf by other members of the club. To her, childhood athletics can pave the way for important social connections in the future, which can prove valuable socially as well as professionally. Finally, having seen her nephew’s commitment to swimming and the arduous hours he devotes to it, Gina sees how a sport can demonstrate the value of hard work: “I had always thought sports came easily to athletic kids. And while that may be true somewhat, I now realize the amount of passion, dedication and grit that are needed to be at the top.”

While the American commitment to youth athletics is certainly cultural, this enthusiasm can be quite contagious, quickly acquired by parents who come to call the U.S. home as adults. When Lynn immigrated to the U.S. with her husband, she was shocked to see how intense the parental interest was in all things athletics. Having young kids, she couldn’t imagine what all the fuss was about. As her children became grade school age, though, she began to see advantages to involving her kids in sports programs. She recognized sports as a way for her kids to incorporate exercise as part of a healthy lifestyle. Having three very different children, she also realized that sports were not a one size fits all activity, so that each of her kids could find a sport that was right for them. Her more reserved daughter thrived in her martial arts class (ultimately progressing to black belt), while her more overtly active boys were drawn to soccer and tennis respectively. Athletics had a way of bringing out the best in her children, and Lynn and her husband became fans of sports being integral to their family life.

Finally, U.S. parents can start their kids off in sports for one reason and then find that there are entirely different benefits to these activities. Michelle had this very experience with her high school aged twins. Originally, she thought that high-energy sports like swimming, soccer and gymnastics would be healthy outlets for her girls’ seemingly endless amounts of energy. Although the sports didn’t seem to tire the girls out, they enjoyed participating and found close friends on their teams. What Michelle did discover was that as the girls began to compete seriously in their sports, the team commitment provided a necessary structure around which the girls could organize their studies. When the girls had practice or a swim meet or game, they knew they only had a certain amount of time to finish up their homework obligations. Without any sort of mandated schedule from sports, the girls would dawdle with their work, and it never really got completed as well as when there was a time deadline because of practice or a competition. For Michelle’s kids, sports had inadvertently added an organizational structure to their daily activities, helping to create better-organized kids.

After listening to other Americans’ reasons for encouraging their kids to participate in sports, even if that means waking up at 5:00 in the morning, every morning, to drive their kids to ice hockey, gymnastics or swimming, I began to reflect on my reasons for wanting my children to start their own sports experiences. The answer, I realized, had a lot to do with my upbringing. My parents always emphasized academic success and never encouraged us to engage in any sort of athletic competition. As a child, seeing other kids completely invested in their teams made me feel slightly alienated, as though I was missing some part of my childhood. Fast forward a few decades, and you have me – a novice golfer and an amateur tennis player who winces at the thought of anyone actually watching me engage in an athletic activity. I can’t help but feel that participating in childhood sports may have helped me with my athletic misgivings. The result – I want my own kids to enjoy sports when they are young. I think it will help them gain a certain confidence, so that they can feel comfortable, no matter what their skill level, whether playing a round of golf or skiing a black diamond without cringing at every mistake they make. If they decide sports aren’t for them (definitely not the direction in which they seem to be headed), then that’s okay, but in the mean time I will relish every moment on the sideline. As my husband put it best while we watched our son rallying with a friend in tennis: “I would rather watch this than the U.S. Open any day.”

So what do you think? Does it still seem strange that Americans sacrifice so much for their child athletes? Would you give it a try?

But wait. Is your nine year old’s eye swollen? It looks okay to you? Nope, I’m pretty sure it’s swelling up. Could it be possible that he too has a food allergy? Oh, he actually does have a nut allergy? I think you might want to give him some Benadryl immediately. His lips look a little large too. You’re not carrying any? Please give him some of mine right now if he’s okay taking it. I know it’s really lame to carry it around, but if he doesn’t take it, you might have to administer an even dorkier Epi-Pen if he goes into anaphylactic shock, and his organs start shutting down. Really, he needs it. Now.

Look, the Benadryl’s working for your son. Thank goodness! Did he have anything unusual to eat? Oh yeah, it really is a bother to check those ingredients, especially on something with sooooo many different ones, like that granola bar you picked up at the concession stand right before the flight. Maybe you should take a couple of my Benadryl tablets along with you, just in case that pesky nut allergy interferes with your laid back style. Just in case. Also, if you get around to it, maybe, just maybe pick up a couple of Epi-Pens for yourself. I know it’s not fun to be the “allergy kid,” but it’s a lot better to be the living allergy kid. I promise. Your kid deserves it.To the woman two rows behind us: I know, I know. I’m the uncool peanut-obsessed parent who is wiping everything down in her row, scanning for any speck of peanuts in the seats and in the windows. I know you’re the hip “anti-helicopter” mom who lets her kids do their thing, eat what they want, play what they want. Now, I know I’m annoying the passengers around me by politely instructing the flight attendant that my son has a severe peanut allergy. Here I go, irritatingly requesting that he please refrain from serving peanuts as I discussed with the airline service representative a few weeks prior to the flight. The flight attendant totally gets it, but, yes, you are totally reasonable in rolling your eyes as I read every ingredient on the pretzels they serve on board. Their poor little hands that I’m wiping with a wipe to make sure they’re clean before they eat – I mean come on! I’m totally making my kids crazy, right? They will be co-dependent, anxiety-ridden creatures for the rest of their lives. I get it.

But wait. Is your nine year old’s eye swollen? It looks okay to you? Nope, I’m pretty sure it’s swelling up. Could it be possible that he too has a food allergy? Oh, he actually does have a nut allergy? I think you might want to give him some Benadryl immediately. His lips look a little large too. You’re not carrying any? Please give him some of mine right now if he’s okay taking it. I know it’s really lame to carry it around, but if he doesn’t take it, you might have to administer an even dorkier Epi-Pen if he goes into anaphylactic shock, and his organs start shutting down. Really, he needs it. Now.

Look, the Benadryl’s working for your son. Thank goodness! Did he have anything unusual to eat? Oh yeah, it really is a bother to check those ingredients, especially on something with sooooo many different ones, like that granola bar you picked up at the concession stand right before the flight. Maybe you should take a couple of my Benadryl tablets along with you, just in case that pesky nut allergy interferes with your laid back style. Just in case. Also, if you get around to it, maybe, just maybe pick up a couple of Epi-Pens for yourself. I know it’s not fun to be the “allergy kid,” but it’s a lot better to be the living allergy kid. I promise. Your kid deserves it.